To say, or not to say?

That is the question.

Today, my parents invited us to come to a gathering with a distant relative.  This woman was born with a deformed arm.  It is fully mobile and functional, but ends just past the elbow.  She is a retired teacher, and loves children.  I thought it would be very appropriate for my sons to speak to her about her arm, respectfully, rather than pretending to ignore the 'elephant in the room'.  I wanted them to feel comfortable to ask a few questions, in their innocence.  It would have put them at ease.

But no, that was not "allowed"  My mother and sister declared that by asking questions, it would make the woman feel uncomfortable.  They decided for her how she'd feel.  How inappropriate.  The truth is, they would have felt uncomfortable for fear of offending the woman.  I had an intuition that it would not offend her, and that she would be happy to answer their questions and put the boys at ease.  She even tried to pick up one of my sons, and he wouldn't let her.  When that happened, she said that she thought he was afraid because of her arm.  Well, DUH!  This is exactly why an open dialogue would be exactly what was needed.  At that point my sister said that now he could ask questions.  Well, I was just so pissed off at that point.  I wasn't about to confuse my son further by now telling him he could ask questions.  Honestly.  I was so pissed.

My sister likes to think she 'knows it all' and gives me attitude whenever my opinion differs with her 'obviously superior, well informed' opinion.  Pffffft.

Well, instead of letting the honesty flow, it was bottled up, and felt awkward.

I don't know why I let my mother and sister tell me how to parent my children.  I should have just left, if they didn't like my opinion.  Now my sons have mixed messages about how to deal with people with physical disabilities.  Worst of all, I am frustrated with myself for not standing up for my opinion.  I didn't retreat fully, but I let them win.  I can feel the toxicity in my body from not honouring what I knew was right.  I hate that feeling.

How can I choose to honour myself going forward?  To speak my truth, and not let someone else speak for me.  To simply leave the situation if it is uncomfortable for me, even if that upsets my family.  That would be very difficult for me at the time, but I'd feel better in the end for honouring myself.