Thursday, 17 November 2011

The darkness surrounds me

Yes, we've shifted our clocks back an hour, and it gets dark very early now, around 5 pm.

But the darkness has returned in my mind too.  I feel depression sinking in deeper.

It's so difficult being a single mother.  It's sucks having to deal with my ex again.  I have no time to get my house in order, and it's a constant state of chaos.  My family loves me, but gives me very little respite care unless I'm having a nervous breakdown.  They consider it a burden to look after my children, and they make it very clear that it's not something they are willing to do very often.  My family gives me grief about getting help from the community agencies with Christmas presents for my boys.  They think we don't need any help.  I don't need the guilt.  I can't imagine jumping into a full-time job in January, but I may actually be doing just that.  I make life so difficult for myself, and by doing so, it only gets harder and harder.

Basically, life sucks... and when I'm feeling down, everything seems wrong.  The pile of troubles seems to get bigger and bigger, and it feels like the pile is swallowing me whole.


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