Letting Go (a little bit more)

I am reading about releasing past loves as a key to energizing myself to attract my Big Love.  If my energetic hooks are still tied in some way to my past, then I am not living in the present.  I don't think that I feel particularly angry toward my ex, but there is still a lot of energy tied up there somehow.  The fact that I would still entertain the possibility of "what if" and hope and dream for him to finally wake up and become the man I wish he could be, well.... that just isn't healthy.

I haven't been able to bring myself to serve him divorce papers yet.  Why is that?  I just can't face it yet.  I haven't reconciled myself with being 'divorced', and I am subconsciously still holding on to the idea of my marriage.  I know I'm big on procrastination, but this is more than just procrastination.  It's reluctance.  It's avoidance.  It's denial.

Denial isn't just a river in Africa.

I want to wipe the slate clean.  So let me begin...

Mr. Ex.  I release you from my heart, from my hopes, from my dreams.  I accept that you are who you are, and I acknowledge that you are not the person who I wished you 'could' be.

I am at peace with the sadness I feel in my heart, and I forgive myself for being fixated on you for so long.

I continue to wish the best for you.  I am no longer 'carrying you' in my heart through the ups and downs of your life.  I do not share your pain or your joys.  I am a separate person, solely focused on my own goals and my own happiness.  Whether you are working or not working, happy or depressed, down on your luck 'again' or on the uphill climb, the story is entirely your own.  You are the sole author of your own story, as I am of mine.

As I let you go, I also accept my own reality of being a 'divorced' woman.  I am actually divorced, and the paperwork that follows is just a technicality.  My marriage is to be absolved, as it is no longer valid.  The man who I married was not a husband to me in reality.

I am grateful for the growth and self-knowledge that our relationship has brought me.  I am more aware now of the qualities in my Soulmate.  I am more aware of my inherent self-worth, and more accepting of myself as I am.

The best part of our relationship was our two sons, and I receive so much love from them.  They are a gift from God, and you were part of their creation.  I couldn't have done it without you.

As hard and as painful as it is to close the chapter, I am letting you go for good.  You are not on my radar screen anymore.  You are part of my past, and remain in my present as the father of our children.  I surrender my own personal ties to you, and fully acknowledge that our marriage is 100% over.

In saying Goodbye, I retain all that was Mine, and none of that which is Yours.

Goodbye, Mr. Ex.